![]() V: Fuck off, fed! I'm about to die! Have you heard of the Make-A-Wish Foundation? What's V doing?ĭante: Get back, V, I'm about to Al Capone this bitch! ![]() Nero: (seeing Urizen/Jeff Bezos's beaten body) Dante, what the fuck is that?ĭante: Yeah, he was trying to get away from taxes. And also you're tall and have had sex at least once. ![]() (fade to the present, where V is talking to himself) And also I think you're really handsome, and your tattoos look amazing, and your. Were you born yesterday?ĭante: That sounds good. V: My name is V, and there's a giant demon about to resurrect that I know about for reasons, and I need your help to stop it.ĭante: I have heard that exact fucking sentence-ĭante: (ignores V) I have heard that exact fucking sentence four goddamn times now for like 20 years. (suddenly Morshu is right next to him) Oh fuck! (Dante gets out a shotgun and plasters Morshu's brains to the walls just as V comes in) Hey there, make yourself at home! You want it-ĭante: I think it's spreading. He cuts into her succulent snake body to find a fully intact woman (Lady), but the game doesn't care about her, so neither will I. Isn't this what you always wanted? This boss fight is what I like to call " Touhou's Bizarre Adventure" since it involves dodging an assload of projectiles and fighting her own depth perception. He goes into a religious building for the second time to find out that God has given him the snake girl waifu (Artemis) that he always prayed for. Feeling mischevious, Nero finds a phone and tells Nico that he's pregnant and that she needs to get there right away. Nero kills the Scissorman from Clock Tower and then systematically loosens every bookshelf. This game has the consistency of an Escher painting. Nero wanders into the sewers and then out of the sewers and then into the scissors ghost (Death Scissors). He begins heading towards the big tree (Qliphoth), encountering enemies because this is a video game. Now you know what bats look like (Pyrobats). Nero proceeds through the city on a zipline, starting a cutscene three fucking seconds after starting the level. But to understand Cyberpunk 2077, you must understand the world of Night City. Daring to strike back, it's up to you and you alone, and you and Keanu Reeves to navigate the scary world yourself and get to the bottom of who the when is where on top of the six the near whenever and build this city on rock and roll. Under the yoke of crushing poverty, systematic oppression and runaway monopolies, you stand as Night City's final bastion of defense agaisnt a shady underworld of business executives, mercenaries, ANCAPS note when your private ambulance comes armed because you paid extra, and every single kind of ethnicity in existence. Together, you navigate the dark streets, glitzing high rises and mangled faces of this beautiful metropolis, seeking riches and glory as proud members of Hamas. Now a team, the true and shadow Keanu strive to eke out a living in the dangerous yet rewarding Night City, offering the best in Californian living (showing pictures of homeless conditions). In this game you play as the Cyber Punk, Keanu Reeves' biggest fan who creates a Tulpa of Keanu Reeves that haunts him for the duration of the game. This video has flashing lights.Ĭyberpunk 2077 is the long awaited sequel to Fallout 2076 and as a product represents the entire economic output of the country of Poland. Torres: Fuck, I missed! Kill that mute son of a bitch right now! Make their screen shake a lot! I will flood the back of this submarine to give the gun the elevation it needs! One million lives! You should have just let me kept my anime, you fucking skunk! Torres: We live in a society! If I can't watch Marine-chan on, then no one else will! North: Torres, you have to hand that shit over. Torres: No no no no no no, the other thing. ![]() We surrender, please don't fucking kill us.ĭavid North: Okay, but you'll have to, like, hand over all your anime and the nuke. You go in for one last attack on the ballast ta- oh hoh hoh hoh! Then he deploys forcefields, like, how did he get that? But just before you are able to destroy the ship fully, Torres sends a message. Everyone's acting gangster until the water starts speaking Latin. Max0r: Then he fires his main guns at you, an aircraft. Torres: I will not allow our perserverance to be desecrated! Then you shoot at the submarine because, like, what else would you do, not shoot at it? Also, um, as funny as my pirate voice is, uh, the real voice actor for Torres is even better than that. Max0r: So you set out to protect the planes that are dropping buoys to locate the submarine and how many fucking planes can fit inside of a submarine? You eventually find the damn thing and everyone shoots at it to make it surface.
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